Oh dear lord I get that thing. That "I'm okay" thing. Don't make a fuss, you don't want to be a drama queen. lolsob. Still trying to break myself out of that.

I don't care about locked vs. not. It's not like anyone knows who I am or cares.

...and yeah, that pretty much says it all about my mental place lately, doesn't it? It's a combo of the time of year (I'm most likely to have epically terribad depression episodes Octoberish-Jan.), and a lot of different things conspiring to make things bad for me, like even my things I do for escapism are just making things worse.

Yukie might be the only thing keeping me sane right now, seeing as she's the one part of my life that does not completely suck, and I hate that because it's completely unfair to her. I keep struggling with this idea that I'm not allowed to be happy because I'm a miserable failure, I'm a disgrace to and I was just deluding myself into thinking I was anything gifted or special, etc. It's hard for me to have faith in anything right now because I feel like I just keep getting kicked when I'm down. One of those headtrips. Superfun.

...suddenly I need to make a post.