Thoughts about subscriptions

Wed, 06 Jul 2011 18:56:39 GMT

Hello!

You know what I love about DW? The fact that "subscribe" and "access" are two different decisions. There are people I want to read that I don't necessarily want to let into my private life, and there are people who I want to let into my private life that I don't always have the energy to keep up with. So much drama was inherent in "friending" in LJ, and it pleases me to no end that I don't have to make those decisions any more.

Here's my philosophy on subscribing, unsubscribing, and access granting.

copperbadge refers to his subscribers as "Sam's Cafe," and I think that's a great way to think of it. An unlocked post is a conversation I'm starting in my cafe, and you're welcome to listen in or join in as it interests you. I reserve the right to boot you if you're being a poor guest, but otherwise, you can come and go as it pleases you. If you have interesting conversations in your cafe, too, I'm probably going to hang out there (i.e., subscribe). But if I get busy or I'm feeling shy, I may hang out there less, or stop joining in the conversation, or stop coming by for a while. It's generally not personal, and you're welcome to do the same as often as it pleases you.

Now, if I really like the conversations you have in my cafe, or the conversations I've had in yours, I might invite you back to my home for a conversation in my living room. The stuff I discuss here is more fraught, more personal, more introspective, than the kinds of things I'll discuss in public. I have occasional soirees where the topic of discussion is more sensitive (multiplicity, spirituality, ranting), and if you've been invited into my home, you're welcome to ask about joining one or more of those soirees, and I will generally extend an invitation to you.

If I invite you into my home (i.e., give you access), I'm hoping that you'll return the favor. There's a certain level of expectation in a friendship, that if you're in similar situations, you visit back and forth. The delightful thing about DW is that our virtual homes are essentially the same, so you don't have to worry about having enough seating for a crowd, or making sure everyone has something to eat, or if your living room is clean enough for company. But if I invite you over, and you don't ever invite me back, I might stop inviting you over, because that kind of friendship suggests a certain amount of reciprocity.

The thing is, if I extend an invitation for you to come over, you don't have to come. If you're busy, or tired, or trying to get laundry done, I don't expect you to drop everything just because I've invited you in. You can stop coming by at any time, for any reason, without prejudice. I hope that you'll treat me with the same courtesy.

Now, leaving the metaphor behind, what this means is that I don't have any expectation that you "should" read and actively keep up with my life or my journal just because I grant you access. I don't expect anyone besides finch to read the posts here or at my public blog, and I only expect that because he's my fiance ~~and he stalks me~~. I'm pleased when people read my journal, and I'm pleased when people leave me comments, and you're welcome to read or not, and comment or not, as you have time/energy/inclination. I give people access (including access to the filters) because they've expressed an interest in reading. If you're going through a period where you don't have time to keep up with everyone on your list, by all means, feel free to unsubscribe from me. I won't take it personally, and it won't reduce my interest in you - especially if you're unsubscribing because you're feeling overwhelmed or you're out of spoons. I've been there. If I make a post I particularly want you to read, I'll drop you a comment or send you a PM. The posts I make can be upsetting, or triggering, and maybe you're in a space where you don't have the energy to deal with my angst. I also make occasional super-happy posts, and maybe you're in a space where you don't have the emotional fortitude to deal with how happy I am in my current relationship and how much I love my job - I've been in low places where I didn't want to handle someone else's happiness and success, because it depressed me. If I get busy or overwhelmed, I might temporarily unsubscribe from you, but I won't revoke your access, because I'm not going to stop inviting you over, to go back to that metaphor, because I don't feel up to leaving the house.

So that's where I stand.

comments

Some maintenance

Thu, 26 May 2011 19:36:21 GMT

I just went through my subscription list and removed access for people who don't give me access, because it feels kind of weird. So, if you suddenly can't see my locked posts, that's why. If this was an oversight on your part, go ahead and give me access and I'll restore yours. :)

Also, I'm thinking about filters, so please let me know if you want on filters for multiplicity, spirituality, and/or personal rants.

That is all. Please carry on.

comments

L'opera, mi amore!

Thoughts about subscriptions

Some maintenance